The Power of Words
Content note: This piece touches on self‑talk, emotional regulation, neurodivergence, childhood and educational experiences, burnout, and feelings of being ignored or dismissed. It includes reflective discussion of stress, overwhelm, and internalised negative beliefs, but contains no graphic content.
Read time: 7 minutes
Do you remember that rhyme taught in schools, “sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never harm me.” Words do carry power though, and words can be damaging. If you are reading this as someone who is autistic and/or has ADHD, you will probably understand this all too well.
In my last post, I spoke about Satya and the complexities of it when combined with Ahimsa, and I touched on considering how we speak to ourselves and to others. This brought to mind the rice experiment by Dr Masaru Emoto, who is also known for his work with water molecules and emotions. There are many variables which could have affected the results; however, I like the message behind it. Dr Masaru Emoto says that the jar of rice that was told kind words for 30 days ferments pleasantly, the one that was told negative words turned black and mouldy. Interestingly, it was the one that was ignored/shown indifference developed a significant amount of mould. This suggesting that the most damaging act was indifference or ignoring someone.
Whilst the experiments may not have been very scientific, it seems a good visual aid to get the message out there that when we are told hurtful things, when we are ignored or dismissed, it causes pain and our energy becomes dysregulated. In comparison, when we hear kind, compassionate, and loving words, when we feel held and part of a safe community, then we flourish. I can look back on my own life and say that this has been the case, and I am so grateful that I am now surrounded by a supportive, kind, and heart-centred community.
A black background with a white lightbox and the words you are enough displayed.
What does science say about the power of words and self talk?
Neuroscience has shown, during multiple studies, that the words that we use activate neural circuits which influence our emotions, behaviour, and physical responses. Even when we speak the words internally, the self-talk that we have, it can activate the same stress response as if they were heard out loud. Our self talk strengthens the neural pathways within our brain and can shape the way that we experience life and the beliefs that we hold about ourselves.
When we are told, or tell ourselves, things which feel positive, then this can aid emotional regulation, problem solving skills, motivation, strength, and other performance measures. I can remember this approach when I did Couch to 10km during lockdown, and it definitely helped me achieve my goal and not give up.
We talked about Ahimsa recently, and treating ourselves with kindness and compassion. An important reason for this is that self compassion lowers our cortisol levels and helps us to become more resilient emotionally. Within CBT the idea is that thoughts shape feelings and behaviour, with negative self-talk causing an increase in anxiety and depression. Whilst I am not keen on CBT as an approach for the neurodivergent mind, I do appreciate that there is benefit to it when working on specific anxieties, and when facilitated by a practitioner who is highly experienced in neurodiversity. It would never be my first go to for mental health support as a neurodivergent adult though.
In Touch for Health Kinesiology we can often add goal setting to our ‘balance’ session. This involves delving into what the client is telling us, and what is at the route of the goal. We then use a technique known as muscle monitoring to see how the body responds to the client saying the goal out loud. If it is a goal or statement that the client doesn’t believe then it results in the clients muscles being unable to meet the pressure applied by the practitioner. The practitioner then moves through the body balance and re-tests the goal in the same way at the end. The result is usually that the client is then able to meet the pressure (a light press with 2 fingers) and a ‘lock’ is achieved. The energy within the body, when saying the statement to themselves changes. It is quite fascinating to see how the body reacts to a statement, goal, or mantra which we say but don’t believe to be true, compared to when we do believe in what we are saying.
Self-talk can go right back to our childhood and the environment in which we were raised. Even if we were blessed by a supportive family, our school experience can still instil negative self-beliefs. Even in this day and age, it is common to see a focus on the negative rather than the positive attributes of a student, within the education system. It is no wonder that there is so much educational trauma within the neurodivergent community. These narratives can become what we believe and when we constantly hear and tell ourselves negative things about ourselves we can easily get caught in a self-fulfilling prophecy which remains with us into adulthood. Rather that “I’m not very good at this” a positive approach would be “I am still learning how to do this.” Or a growth mindset approach would change “I can’t do this” to “I can’t do this YET!” Another area of life might be telling ourselves that we cannot afford something, rather than we cannot afford it yet, and having that belief that it is something that we will achieve.
It can be really frustrating, triggering even, when people say to work on mindset, especially when what they are saying seems to be completely impossible. Goodness have I experiences it throughout my own life, in many different ways. I remember, a few years ago, doing a business summit where they had someone giving a talk about financial mindset. If I am honest, I felt a little bit as though I was in a different world to them, as they were sat discussing having six figure incomes. I came to realise that perhaps it was my self-talk and my beliefs and feelings around money that were holding me back. I certainly had to work on not feeling triggered during the course, especially as I wasn’t working at the time.
What I have come to realise, from my own lessons, is that none of this can happen without feeling safe. Safety is key to emotional and mental regulation, and without that feeling of safety it can feel as anyone telling you that you need to change your mindset feels extremely toxic and damaging. When we are overwhelmed and burnt out, when we are struggling, or in crisis, it really isn’t the time to be trying to change our mindset and self-talk. It is exactly the same when working with dogs and horses, I have no idea why it took me so long to realise it for myself, and for other people. What is needed at that point is support, safety, and someone to say “I’ve got you!”
Mindfulness, mindset, self-talk, it isn’t something to be worked on after the occasion, after we have entered into a challenging stage of our lives. They are skills that take practice and time. They are skills that we learn to enable us to cope easier when times get tough. As with anything in life, we are physically unable to learn, retain, and change, whilst our nervous systems are in crisis. As such, a mindfulness course is not something that its advised for anyone with certain mental health conditions and when in crisis.
When we learn about mindfulness, and on the Mindfulness Now course, we look at identifying and naming emotions. This can be challenging for some people, even more so for neurodivergent people, yet we look at the emotions wheel and start to understand the different names for emotions and what they mean. This identifying and naming emotions can help us to reframe them and even reduce our stress by reducing activity within the amygdala. This is especially true with recognising when we are feeling overwhelmed. When we are able to identify emotions and name them, it becomes easier to be compassionate towards ourselves, to accept that these are just feelings, and to not feel ashamed or frustrated about our feelings.
This doesn’t only apply to self talk and when talking to other people, it also applies to working with animals. If you are guardian to a dog, especially one who struggles around other dogs, barking, growling, lunging, when you are out on walks, mindset can make a huge difference to the way that you are able to handle a situation. I have often seen, on social media, people say “my dog is giving me a hard time.” This can result in them thinking that their dog is misbehaving, punishing their dog for such behaviour, rather than offering support. Inevitably, this often results in the behaviour not improving and even worsening. The dog guardians who use words such as “my dog really struggles around other dogs and needs extra support” on the other hand, are more likely to work with their dog in partnership, observe their dogs subtle body language, and build a communication and trust which allows them to support their dog and progress with their confidence building. This is an example of living with dogs, however, the same is true for any species of animal, including humans. To me, with my Canine Behaviourist hat on, this is why it is essential to work with the guardians of the dog to support them with their anxieties and understanding about their dogs behaviour, rather than just trying to change the dogs behaviour.
Words quite literally can shape who we are, how we experience the world, how we behave, and what we believe about ourselves.
What words do you use when talking about yourself? Are they kind? Are they compassionate? Are they loving? Are they true?
Something which may be beneficial to you is to purchase some motivational mirror stickers to stick onto your bedroom or bathroom mirror. I have seem some on Etsy but I am sure that they will sell them elsewhere too. Every time that you look into the mirror, read what the sticker says our loud to yourself and say it as though you are telling it to a loved one. Say it as though you believe it, and you will in time.
Here are a few studies that might be of interest, if you want to learn more:
