My Neurodivergent Journey

Content Note: This personal story includes references to bullying, emotional abuse, social exclusion, PTSD, panic attacks, dissociation, situational mutism, self‑harm, and suicidal thoughts. Please take care while reading and pause if you need to.

Read time: 15 minutes

Well, I thought that I would start by sharing a little about my own neurodivergent journey, and briefly the trauma that motivated me to set up The Neurodivergent Yogi as part of United Wellbeing.

Gaining Clarity & Finding Myself

It was back in 2008 when I first thought that I could be autistic or have ADHD. I was studying towards a teaching qualification and everything resonated when discussing supporting students who were autistic and had ADHD. Back then, there was a lot of stigma surrounding such diagnosis, the word ‘diagnosis’ in itself makes it sound as though it is some sort of illness, and it seemed that it was predominately seen in males or those with learning difficulties. I put it to the back of my mind until 2015. I was living in Gloucestershire at that point and I asked to be referred for autism assessment. I felt that ADHD was more of a challenge in my life yet, back then, I never knew of any women who were ADHD. It still seemed to be perceived as a ‘naughty boy’ thing. My autism assessment came back with me not being autistic but having social anxiety. I strongly felt that this wasn’t the case and that it seemed to be that the assessment was very male presentation based.

I struggled on so many levels during the next few years. I was battling with my sexuality, I knew who I was yet it wasn’t something that would ever be accepted by my family. I also questioned my gender identity as I just didn’t feel like other women, I wasn’t interested in what they seemed to be interested in, my brain didn’t seem to work in the same way. I had some fantastic times down in Gloucester, thanks to Sea Cadets and my wonderful team of dog trainers (turns out we were all neurodivergent), yet when at home, alone, I was struggling with those “who am I?” and “am I just broken?” “what is wrong with me?” questions. I was sure that I was autistic and ADHD, yet I had been told that I wasn’t… so who was I? People talk about a mid-life crisis, however, this was like an early 30’s crisis!

Fast forward to 2019 and living back in Worcestershire. I asked my GP if they could send me for autism assessment and I was pretty quick at getting an appointment through. The assessor said that the Gloucestershire clinic clearly had no understanding of autism in women, and that I had enough traits to go through full diagnosis. Due to Covid, it was 2022 before the diagnosis letter and feedback arrived, however, I was told the results by phone before that. It was then time to get the ADHD confirmed. I had been on the NHS waiting list for some time before my cousin told me about right to choose.

Once I was on the Psych UK system it was just 8 months, at the end of 2023, when I was confirmed as having ADHD. In fact, the assessor had no idea how I wasn’t diagnosed as a child when my school reports showed that I was clearly ADHD, and he said that it was without question that I have ADHD. Medication was not something that he was willing to try, due to other health conditions, however, finally, aged 40 years of age, I had both my autism and ADHD confirmed. Having done various autism and ADHD training courses across the years, I don’t feel that I particularly went through the stages that many people seem to do after having autism and/or ADHD confirmed. In my heart, I had known since 2008 and I already had a good understanding of neurodiversity.

The main benefit of someone confirming my neurodivergence was validation and healing. It allowed me to be my authentic self and gave me an immense sense of peace and strength.

Everything made sense now.

Letters on white tiles which spell our Neurodiversity. This is on a background of multicoloured tiles.

The Trauma

Life has always has it’s struggles, however, in 2021, I experienced bullying that resulted in PTSD. It actually began in 2019 but I hadn’t seen those involved for 18 months due to Covid. That bullying, at the very core, was due to being neurodivergent. It is still hard to believe that nobody spoke up, however, the one good thing that came out of it all was my desire to create a supportive, neuro-affirming, community for other local autistic and ADHD women and those assigned female at birth. I felt determined to create a safe space where we celebrate neurodiversity and support one another.

I don’t see myself as a victim, as I have always admitted that I made my share of mistakes too, yet I have always had the attitude that when we make mistakes then we discuss, we listen, we reflect, and we learn and grow. It can be difficult when only one side has that mindset, yet it can also be challenging when trying to start such discussions from a place of such dysregulation.

The aspect that I always struggled to understand was why so many people were believing those causing trouble, not able to step back and evaluate the situation for themselves. Why so many, seemingly intelligent people were enabling behaviour that was unwarranted, unkind, and unnecessary. They were all older than me, yet they were behaving like children in a playground. When it comes to those at the route of my trauma, I look back now and see that they too are most likely neurodivergent but not aware of being so. I see that their behaviour could come down to their insecurities, RSD, a fixed mindset, and incompatible neurodivergent needs and communications styles. It was other people not stepping in and putting a stop to the hostile behaviour towards me that I never understood.

I have never been the person to blindly follow without doing my own research, and I have always told clients to not just take my word for something, or the vets word, go out and do their research, look at what the person giving the information has to gain, if there is a bias. Only when we have done our research can we come to a decision that is well informed and has integrity. Perhaps it is down to being AuDHD and perhaps this will resonate with you too, I was always the child who would ask “why?” It wasn’t to question authority, it was to gain understanding, so that it made sense to me.

Another factor for me was my background in behaviour and my bad habit of thinking that everyone knows the same as me. As a behaviourist, when an animal is anxious, dysregulated, acting in a stressed manner, barking, or even lashing out, my instinct is to look at how to support nervous system regulation. I see an animal under immense stress and anxiety who needs support in that moment, not training or anything else, just support to feel safe. I don’t see a ‘bad’ animal, and I don’t suddenly punish an animal for something that it has done several minutes before, let alone years before, when pushed to their limits. My approach has always been compassion and understanding. Yes, boundaries are important however so is not labelling them based on a situation where they were pushed to breaking point. Whilst my degree, my behavioural experience, was with animals, I couldn’t understand why this same mindset wasn’t used with people too. Why can we not show compassion and understanding to one another?

I had been wanting to re-join a social group that I belonged to before Covid hit, however, I had been told that I wasn’t allowed to return until I had attended a meeting with the group leader and the group leader from the neighbouring town. Due to previous bullying and mistruths, I asked the local vicar to come with me as I didn’t know anyone else outside of the group. I was sat in the meeting, at the home of one of the women, and I was suddenly and aggressively told that there was something fundamentally wrong with my personality. Every fault that they could find about me was just neurodivergent differences or them not liking me self advocating. I still remember the woman sat, tapping on the arm of the sofa in an aggressive manner, telling me that in all of her years of nursing that she had never met a personality like mine and made to feel as though nobody liked me. I was told that I could only return to the group if I stopped self-advocating (and accepted her bulling basically).

I was excluded from my social circles, isolated from people who I saw as friends. I didn’t know anyone else, apart from my family, in the area at that time. I was attacked to my very core, and nobody could see the lies and manipulation of that bully. Even the Church supported and enabled the bully, treating her as a victim. Although I remained calm and polite whilst in the meeting, I started hyperventilating once back in the car. It took me an hour to come out of it and I thought that I was going to die as it just wouldn’t stop hyperventilating and everything had gone numb. I was not someone who normally had panic attacks - there have been many since! I reached out to people but as it was during the day there was nobody available… amplifying the thoughts in my head that it must be true what that woman said, that nobody liked me, I was alone.

I reached out to another friend from the group, someone who I thought I was close friends with, and they told me that they agreed with the bully, saying almost word for word the reasons that the bully gave. I said that I would like to understand those reason and the mistakes that I had made, if they could explain them to me. However, they could not remember any details to be able to give me. It was as though the idea had just been planted into their head during those 18 months that I was away, and were now taken as fact, but fact without substance. Surely, if I had done something so wrong that it warranted this treatment, they would remember some details about it? It just seemed to me that the bully had planted these beliefs into the minds of the others within the group. It was now part of the narrative that they created.

I was left in the position where I felt that there was something fundamentally wrong with me because of being autistic and ADHD, that nobody liked me because I am neurodivergent. It wasn’t something that I could change, it was who I was at my very core. To attack someone to such a level, then to leave them alone, I felt as though I had been stripped naked, beaten, and left for dead with everyone just walking on past. The experience resulted in me experiencing situational mutism, something that I hadn’t experienced prior to that. Even if I wanted to speak, I physically couldn’t. I spent the following month in a rather disassociated state and I withdrew from society for quite some time. However, looking back, I think that my perimenopause may have started creeping in not long after, which probably made the whole experience even more challenging.

In 2024, three years after the event that resulted in PTSD, almost 4 years since I last saw the main group, it all kicked off again when I moved to a new village where members of the group where now attending. In fact, it got so bad that I considered ending my life as I didn’t know how else to make it all stop. I had been looking forward to my fresh new start and I messaged the group leader to say that had moved and that I was looking forward to going along. I was then met by the group leader and asked to stay away because she would lose four members if I attended. No other explanation, no idea who those people were, I could only think that it was still the bullying that caused the PTSD. It seemed that they were still continuing with their behaviour, by then bringing it to the village where I now live and not allowing me to move forwards with my life. I had had at least 3 groups turned against me by this stage and I know that they were talking to other groups too, all whilst I tried to put it behind me and not bring others into it. Yes, I feel conflicted about writing this even, yet it was an major part of my neurodivergent journey.

I am not without fault, we all make mistakes, and I have made a lot of them, yet absolutely nothing warrants the trauma that was caused by these people. Now I can look at things from a different perspective, now I think that perhaps we could say that the “bully” who started it all was a victim of sorts, because she was voted into a position that she did not have the experience and skills to be in, and because she wasn’t given the correct training and support to be in the role. Perhaps she was failed too.

Community

Luckily, 2025 was a turning point for me. Someone stepped in and gave me that support and safety that I had not had before. He took control and he advocated for me, going above and beyond. He spoke to all involved, rather than just believing the vitriol. He was the only person out of all involved that truly behaved like a true leader. The anxiety eased, I realised that there were also others who would advocate for me and shut down any nonsense, who believed in me and could see how ridiculous it all was. I felt safe and I wasn’t alone anymore. My nervous system started to become regulated, I got my inner strength back, I got me back. I had already decided, several years before, that I wanted to create a community to empower neurodivergent women, to promote self understanding, self compassion, self love, but this experience made me more certain than ever that it was the route that I was supposed to take. Nobody deserves to be bullied due to being neurodivergent. Nobody deserves to feel alone.

I am stronger now, I no longer fear being at home or walking around the village when the group is here. I no longer drive to sit in my car somewhere “safe” and away from the village, due to being terrified of what I might be accused of next. I have old friends that have moved back to the area, and I have new friends. I also have my beautiful Druid family and community. I am at peace again and feel very blessed.

I can now stand strong and proud of who I am, and I want to empower other neurodivergent women. Your neurodivergence isn’t a fault, it isn’t something to be ashamed of. It is what makes you beautifully unique. I am proud to be part of the neurodivergent community, despite the challenges that brings.

In 2025, I suddenly realised that what I needed most of all was safety and community, it wasn’t about returning to the hobby at all. I realised just how important community is. Perhaps it is even more important when ADHD/AuDHD/Autistic.

At the end of 2025, I launched a local Neurodivergent Sisterhood group, with the help from others within the local community. In less than a month there were over 70 members and meet ups had occurred. We are stronger together, and you are NOT alone!

The Neurodivergent Sisterhood Group Image on Facebook.